Relational
Judaism
Erev
Rosh Hashana 5775
Temple
Beth Jacob of Newburgh
Rabbi
Larry Freedman
So who’s surprised
to see me standing here tonight? I can
tell you I’m surprised to see me here. I
was sure my future was holding something else.
But I’m here and it’s all good.
Glad to have a stressful year behind me.
I make a joke each
year as we begin our tefillot that it seems a shame how just when everyone is
at their chattiest and happiest, I call the crowd to order and begin
services. Don’t get me wrong. Many of us like the liturgy and I look
forward to hearing the grand melodies and I enjoy the themes of the day but I
am aware that not everyone feels that way.
I suspect that everyone has his or her own favorite part of the
day. Avinu malkeinu is a big part. The shofar is a big part. Food is a big
part. Family is a big part. Friends are a big part. The social aspect of Rosh Hashana is a big
part of the allure of the day. We like
seeing each other. We like being engaged
with each other. And that’s how it
should be.
Last year Ron
Wolfson wrote a book titled Relational Judaism and his basic thesis is that if
we want Jewish communities and synagogues in particular to continue, we have to
play to that strength. It used to be
that Jews would join synagogues just because that is what you would do. You grow up, get married, join a
synagogue. Synagogues had to provide
meaningful experiences but truth is, the Jews were joining no matter what. That is no longer the case -- not for
us. It’s a new world, Golde. It’s a world of gen x and millennials and
multiple identities and multi-culturalism and despite the persistent scourge of
anti-Semitism, unlimited opportunities for Jews. You don’t need to be in a synagogue to find
people with common interests. You don’t
need to be in a synagogue to find a social life. If you have wifi, you don’t even need a
synagogue for Rosh Hashana services- just stream them while sitting on the couch.
What? I could have stayed home?
Yes, you could
have streamed Rosh Hashana from any of a hundred synagogues out there. But you didn’t and deep down you know that
being here is better than being in front of a screen.
It’s the
people. It’s got to be the people. Sitting on the couch streaming Rosh Hashana
is fine if you can’t get out of the house but it’s lonely. You’re watching an experience but you’re not
sharing an experience. There’s nothing
quite like being with people who share 4000 years of history.
It’s got to be the
people. It’s the experience of what
happens when we gather. Do you know why
Home Depot has craft days and DIY seminars?
It’s not just to get people to buy product. It’s to get you interacting with them and
with other people. Why are the Apple
Stores so successful with a product you can buy so easily over the
internet? It’s the experience of
interacting with the machine and the
people who are there to help you. Have
you been to an Apple Store lately? As
soon as you walk in, you have a new friend who is there to help you and talk to
you and ultimately to buy from directly. There’s no cash register! You are never abandoned. You are always in community. Nordstrom’s sells expensive goods like
gangbusters. You know what they rely on?
Personal service. You don’t buy
shoes. You buy an experience with
another person. Ever notice how some
upscale retail stores pick up the shopping bag after you’ve paid and graciously
hand it to you? Why do they do that? It’s on the counter! I can pick it up. Because they know they are creating a small
but important relationship. They hand you the bag. They interact with you.
It’s all about the
relations. Relational Judaism. It’s a new world and we’ve already
begun. The Kol Yisrael project is paying
off. More of us are interacting more of
the time. As the building finishes, I’m
looking towards an exciting, active busy place where even as we go to our own
events, we’re all together.
We’ve already
begun. This past summer as July 4 fell
on a Friday night, Deborah and I hosted over 35 people for a cookout and tefillot
at our home on a night that probably would have had six people show up if we
were in the sanctuary. Why? Because it was fun and social. Two of our three yizkor services last year
had more people than usual as we left the standard liturgy to have a more
discussion based experience that allowed people to talk with each other as they
remembered their loved ones. Just a
month ago a dozen of our folks staffed a booth at New Windsor Community Day to
reach out and begin the process of forming relationships. And last year for erev Sukkot we had over 70
people come out for a Sukkot potluck dinner.
We’re surely doing that again. No
services. Dinner, sukkah, shaking the
lulav and etrog. Talking with each
other. Sharing the experience of
Sukkot. It was a lovely way to welcome
the holiday and it was social. We need
more and more of this. That’s why you
have nametags. Not tickets. This isn’t a show. It’s your community and we want you all to
get to know each other even better. So,
by the way, please help us build community by wearing your nametag. Trust me.
Not everyone knows who you are.
It will feel odd at first but to build community, we each have to do our
share.
The urgency for
more relational Judaism is found in the simple data driven fact that hundreds
of thousands of Reform Jews think of themselves as friendly while at the exact
same time hundreds of thousands of Reform Jews think their synagogue is cold
and unfriendly. There is a disconnect. Reform synagogues have huge attraction rates
and huge loss rates most often right after Bar and Bat Mitzvah. Why does this happen? Research suggests two phenomenon. One: They joined with a fee for service
attitude. Once they had the Bar and Bat
Mitzvah they no longer saw a need to pay so they quit and left the
synagogue. Two: They joined for a sense of community but a
few years after the Bar or Bat Mitzvah, they felt like the synagogue offered
nothing for them, no sense of community.
So they left.
I know that some
of you will take offense. You think
you’re very friendly. And, in truth, you
are. But the issue we are facing is not
just about being friendly. It’s about
being friendly in a new way that makes people feel welcomed and engaged at
every stage of life. What I’m talking
about is so novel that it’s got a name:
Radical Hospitality. This is
cutting edge stuff and we should be proud that we are in early.
Now, how else can
we get to really know each other? How
else? I bet we could bond if we all
learned something about each other. I thought
about a slumber party but… If only there was some sort of media, social media
where we could share some things.
Hmmmm…..
I hope you’ve
brought your cell phones. If you have
them, pull them out, turn them on, and go to your text-messaging app.
This is a program
from Poll Everywhere. I will be asking
you questions and you will text answers.
Your answers will be seen but your names will not. I will have a monitor so if you send in dirty
words, we’ll censor those so don’t even try.
You can text multiple times so if there is someone near you who doesn’t
have a phone, please share. We’re being
social and friendly. Let’s do a test.
You will text your
answer to this number XXXXX. Once you
text to it once, your phone will hold that number so you don’t need to retype
it. Okay, let’s try. Of these choices,
what do you want first at break fast?
A. Carbs! B.
Coffee! C. Water! D.
Whatever I can grab first!
Okay. Let’s go.
RH is about fresh starts but there’s some regret. We regret that this
year we may not be with all the people we wish were here. Maybe they’re away in
college or moved to a new state or maybe you’ve moved away from them. Maybe they’ve died. Who are you missing now?
Rosh Hashana is
about being honest. It’s about being
open and present to the possibility of new discussions with the ones we care
for. So let’s be honest. With whom do we need to build our
relationships?
A. Friends. B. My
neighbors. C. My spouse/partner D. My
children E. My parents F. My family.
What will you do
to improve those relationships?
Do you feel you
have a relationship with the synagogue community?
A. Yes. B. A little.
C. No.
If you had only
seven seconds to convince someone to be a partner in the growth of TBJ, what
would you say? Can you think of something
that would help make our connections between each other stronger? Maybe it could be an open art room evening or
Temple Beth Jacob pick-up basketball night for adults. Something you would like to study something
or a movie club? Text a suggestion.
The usual
experience of a synagogue is a place for religious school, prayer, lifecycle
events and adult education. All of that
is good. All of that is great. None of that reaches out to the mass of
partners we have at TBJ. We’ll continue
to do what we’ve done but do the hard work to make each one of you feel like
this really is your home, a place that has value for you throughout the
year. It’s a new world and it won’t
happen over night but we’ve already begun.
Oh, one final
question. Nicely, constructively, if you
please, send me your complaints. You can
use the same text number. This will be
in operation for another week. Send in
anything else you want me and the Board of Trustees to know about. It’s confidential.
Shana Tova. A good year to you. Shana Metukah. A sweet year to you. Shana b’nuyah, a rebuilt year to you.
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