Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Erev Rosh Hashana sermon 5775

Relational Judaism
Erev Rosh Hashana 5775
Temple Beth Jacob of Newburgh
Rabbi Larry Freedman

So who’s surprised to see me standing here tonight?  I can tell you I’m surprised to see me here.  I was sure my future was holding something else.  But I’m here and it’s all good.  Glad to have a stressful year behind me. 
I make a joke each year as we begin our tefillot that it seems a shame how just when everyone is at their chattiest and happiest, I call the crowd to order and begin services.  Don’t get me wrong.  Many of us like the liturgy and I look forward to hearing the grand melodies and I enjoy the themes of the day but I am aware that not everyone feels that way.  I suspect that everyone has his or her own favorite part of the day.  Avinu malkeinu is a big part.  The shofar is a big part. Food is a big part.  Family is a big part.  Friends are a big part.  The social aspect of Rosh Hashana is a big part of the allure of the day.  We like seeing each other.  We like being engaged with each other.  And that’s how it should be.
Last year Ron Wolfson wrote a book titled Relational Judaism and his basic thesis is that if we want Jewish communities and synagogues in particular to continue, we have to play to that strength.  It used to be that Jews would join synagogues just because that is what you would do.  You grow up, get married, join a synagogue.  Synagogues had to provide meaningful experiences but truth is, the Jews were joining no matter what.  That is no longer the case -- not for us.  It’s a new world, Golde.  It’s a world of gen x and millennials and multiple identities and multi-culturalism and despite the persistent scourge of anti-Semitism, unlimited opportunities for Jews.  You don’t need to be in a synagogue to find people with common interests.  You don’t need to be in a synagogue to find a social life.  If you have wifi, you don’t even need a synagogue for Rosh Hashana services- just stream them while sitting on the couch.
What?  I could have stayed home?
Yes, you could have streamed Rosh Hashana from any of a hundred synagogues out there.  But you didn’t and deep down you know that being here is better than being in front of a screen.
It’s the people.  It’s got to be the people.  Sitting on the couch streaming Rosh Hashana is fine if you can’t get out of the house but it’s lonely.  You’re watching an experience but you’re not sharing an experience.  There’s nothing quite like being with people who share 4000 years of history.
It’s got to be the people.  It’s the experience of what happens when we gather.  Do you know why Home Depot has craft days and DIY seminars?  It’s not just to get people to buy product.  It’s to get you interacting with them and with other people.  Why are the Apple Stores so successful with a product you can buy so easily over the internet?  It’s the experience of interacting with the machine and the people who are there to help you.  Have you been to an Apple Store lately?  As soon as you walk in, you have a new friend who is there to help you and talk to you and ultimately to buy from directly. There’s no cash register!  You are never abandoned.  You are always in community.  Nordstrom’s sells expensive goods like gangbusters. You know what they rely on?  Personal service.  You don’t buy shoes.  You buy an experience with another person.  Ever notice how some upscale retail stores pick up the shopping bag after you’ve paid and graciously hand it to you?  Why do they do that?  It’s on the counter!  I can pick it up.  Because they know they are creating a small but important relationship.  They hand you the bag.  They interact with you.
It’s all about the relations.  Relational Judaism.  It’s a new world and we’ve already begun.  The Kol Yisrael project is paying off.  More of us are interacting more of the time.  As the building finishes, I’m looking towards an exciting, active busy place where even as we go to our own events, we’re all together.
We’ve already begun.  This past summer as July 4 fell on a Friday night, Deborah and I hosted over 35 people for a cookout and tefillot at our home on a night that probably would have had six people show up if we were in the sanctuary.  Why?  Because it was fun and social.  Two of our three yizkor services last year had more people than usual as we left the standard liturgy to have a more discussion based experience that allowed people to talk with each other as they remembered their loved ones.  Just a month ago a dozen of our folks staffed a booth at New Windsor Community Day to reach out and begin the process of forming relationships.  And last year for erev Sukkot we had over 70 people come out for a Sukkot potluck dinner.  We’re surely doing that again.  No services.  Dinner, sukkah, shaking the lulav and etrog.  Talking with each other.  Sharing the experience of Sukkot.  It was a lovely way to welcome the holiday and it was social.  We need more and more of this.  That’s why you have nametags.  Not tickets.  This isn’t a show.  It’s your community and we want you all to get to know each other even better.  So, by the way, please help us build community by wearing your nametag.  Trust me.  Not everyone knows who you are.  It will feel odd at first but to build community, we each have to do our share.
The urgency for more relational Judaism is found in the simple data driven fact that hundreds of thousands of Reform Jews think of themselves as friendly while at the exact same time hundreds of thousands of Reform Jews think their synagogue is cold and unfriendly.  There is a disconnect.  Reform synagogues have huge attraction rates and huge loss rates most often right after Bar and Bat Mitzvah.  Why does this happen?  Research suggests two phenomenon.  One: They joined with a fee for service attitude.  Once they had the Bar and Bat Mitzvah they no longer saw a need to pay so they quit and left the synagogue.  Two:  They joined for a sense of community but a few years after the Bar or Bat Mitzvah, they felt like the synagogue offered nothing for them, no sense of community.  So they left. 
I know that some of you will take offense.  You think you’re very friendly.  And, in truth, you are.  But the issue we are facing is not just about being friendly.  It’s about being friendly in a new way that makes people feel welcomed and engaged at every stage of life.  What I’m talking about is so novel that it’s got a name:  Radical Hospitality.  This is cutting edge stuff and we should be proud that we are in early.
Now, how else can we get to really know each other?  How else?  I bet we could bond if we all learned something about each other.  I thought about a slumber party but… If only there was some sort of media, social media where we could share some things.  Hmmmm…..
I hope you’ve brought your cell phones.  If you have them, pull them out, turn them on, and go to your text-messaging app.
This is a program from Poll Everywhere.  I will be asking you questions and you will text answers.  Your answers will be seen but your names will not.  I will have a monitor so if you send in dirty words, we’ll censor those so don’t even try.  You can text multiple times so if there is someone near you who doesn’t have a phone, please share.  We’re being social and friendly. Let’s do a test.
You will text your answer to this number XXXXX.  Once you text to it once, your phone will hold that number so you don’t need to retype it.  Okay, let’s try. Of these choices, what do you want first at break fast?  A.  Carbs!  B.  Coffee!  C. Water!  D.  Whatever I can grab first!
Okay.  Let’s go.  RH is about fresh starts but there’s some regret. We regret that this year we may not be with all the people we wish were here. Maybe they’re away in college or moved to a new state or maybe you’ve moved away from them.  Maybe they’ve died.  Who are you missing now?
Rosh Hashana is about being honest.  It’s about being open and present to the possibility of new discussions with the ones we care for.  So let’s be honest.  With whom do we need to build our relationships?
A. Friends.  B.  My neighbors.  C. My spouse/partner D. My children  E. My parents F. My family. 
What will you do to improve those relationships?
Do you feel you have a relationship with the synagogue community?
A. Yes.  B. A little.  C. No.
If you had only seven seconds to convince someone to be a partner in the growth of TBJ, what would you say?  Can you think of something that would help make our connections between each other stronger?  Maybe it could be an open art room evening or Temple Beth Jacob pick-up basketball night for adults.  Something you would like to study something or a movie club?  Text a suggestion.
The usual experience of a synagogue is a place for religious school, prayer, lifecycle events and adult education.  All of that is good.  All of that is great.  None of that reaches out to the mass of partners we have at TBJ.  We’ll continue to do what we’ve done but do the hard work to make each one of you feel like this really is your home, a place that has value for you throughout the year.  It’s a new world and it won’t happen over night but we’ve already begun.
Oh, one final question.  Nicely, constructively, if you please, send me your complaints.  You can use the same text number.  This will be in operation for another week.  Send in anything else you want me and the Board of Trustees to know about.  It’s confidential.
Shana Tova.  A good year to you.  Shana Metukah.  A sweet year to you.  Shana b’nuyah, a rebuilt year to you.


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